Sex before Marriage


The question asked is one that has been asked many times:

If I have sex before marriage will I be forever condemned by God? Will I go to hell? Will I be a bad person?
I am 26 years old, and a born again Christian. I’m still a virgin and I’m still not married surprisingly. I am starting to worry if I will ever get married. I want to experience sex, but I have no husband. I don’t want to die a virgin. I am even questioning getting pregnant out of wedlock. I really want children and I don’t want to be an old unmarried lady with no children. I want to experience pregnancy. I want children really badly, but I want to give birth and I also want to adopt. Since taking a human sexuality class this quarter, I have been really asking if I will be a bad person if I lose my virginity before marriage? I am human and I get desires. I know about birth control and contraceptives. I have learned a lot about female condoms in the human sexuality course. My parents want me to start keeping male and female condoms on me in case I get tempted. But will I go to hell just because I have sex before marriage and be a bad person? What if I don’t get married? I’m supposed to just sit here and be a virgin and die a virgin like Queen Elizabeth did? I want to experience sex. I get desires, especially around my monthly cycle. My hormones naturally act up. Because I also want children and because I don’t want to die a single childless woman, what if no man comes along, then can I get artificially inseminated? I want to experience pregnancy. Everyone seems to be having sex, but me. Please help!

My response:

You have been able to express what you want to experience in life and that you should be grateful for.

You will not go to any hell, what you are experiencing now is more like a “hell” because you are not allowing yourself to live a full life because you are living in fear. Fear is the root of all evil. To say there is a hell outside of fear is untrue. Life is what YOU make it, and no one else has the right to control you, your actions, your inner desires nor tell you that you are “bad” for living a normal human existence.

You are questioning your boundaries because your God-nature is Freedom. When someone outside of us tries to condemn our Freedom by placing cages, rules and fear around us- and when we except those cages, rules and fear by allowing their influence into our lives- we have given away our Freedom. Then we have become slaves. That is hell. God is Freedom and Love. There are personal morals that each person has around their bodies and it is their right to choose and decide what they feel comfortable living with. But if those morals are learned out of fear, then how can we call them morals?

All people are good. Sex is a natural way to reproduce a species and it is also a form of communication between two people. Sex is not the ultimate high, and it is not a form of Enlightenment. When churches express to you that sex is a Sin, that means it is without God. That means it is not of God. This means that sex is a physical, material thing. This is because it is happening on the physical plane and it is a bodily expression. God does not express through a body. That which we call God expresses non-physically. That is why God is not associated with the physical action of Sex and why by definition it is a Sin. But a Sin is not evil. It means “without”. Because we are manifest as human, in a physical body, we can express Love physically. God does not express physically, only through us. So therefore Sex, as a physical expression of intimacy, can not replace the Love of God, but Sex can be an expression of the Love that IS God.

Marriage is also an expression of the Love of God and the idea of Unity-of Oneness. Marriage is the coming together of two, to form a bond that is One. God is One. And so Marriage, like Sex, is again another physical representation of the concept of the Oneness of God. Both Sex and Marriage are symbolic acts, played out on the physical realm, like a play, to demonstrate an expression of joining two into One. Duality into Unity. However physical, both can be seen as symbolic of Oneness. So neither Sex nor Marriage become wrong when done in any order–they don’t have to be acted out in any particular order. They are both physical expressions of Unity. Neither condemns the other, they are both physical acts.

Comments (4)


  1. Weezie says:

    A baby is a huge responsibility and being that being pregnant or getting some disease is a direct result of just having casual sex, I would rethink your reasons for wanting to do so. No, sex is not a sin. But a baby born without a strong, loving, stable, home will, in fact, NOT be a secure little being. Why would you want to create another little person if you don’t have the ability to create the environment needed for a little person to grow and thrive? There should be NO FEAR in having children and being pregnant, but just having sex, just because you’re the only one not doing it?!

  2. raynatamarin says:


    Thank you for your comments!

    I agree. “Because everyone else is doing it” is definitely not a good reason to do anything at all. The observation of other people doing things, having things or being things other than what we do, have or ‘be’, creates desire within us and begins the act of comparison. We can never compare ourselves to others because we will create desire after desire after desire–remaining unfulfilled. We must be happy, period. Satisfied. Not settling nor be content. We must ‘be’ all that we wish to express outside of ourselves so that we can then align with the answer to the desire wherefore it is satisfied. Then we can express this satisfaction in Love as an outward expression in action, such as making love. Having children is an experience that will be well in order once the parents are satisfied. The children will be the expression, the result or example of the satisfaction. If the child can grow in a satisfactory environment, then they will remain in innocence consciously. They won’t be trained away from the knowledge of their own connection to the Source (God). The children will be raised whole-minded.

    It is possible that someone giving birth or attracting the experience of raising children may do so even unconsciously, subconsciously, in order to learn these “lessons”. In order to reconnect themselves with the help of a guiding teacher. The experience may teach the mother or father as students, with the child being the pure teacher.

    Having no fear is correct–the correct ‘heavenly’ state of being. When you have no fear, your connection to fearless is solid, fearless being love, love being the love of God. The Source is intelligent Love.

    Excellent continuation of the topic, thank you for the inspiring point of reference!

    <3, Rayna

  3. Hey, I’m happy I added you to my favorites, otherwise I’d have missed this. Good post, and I wish the best 2010 to you.

  4. destined_boy says:

    Thank YOU for writing this!

Leave a Reply